Brainwash be gone. A podcast for women who've left a high control, high demand religion. In every episode, we deconstruct one specific rule you were taught so you can let go of the harmful conditioning and live an amazing life on your own terms. Today we'll be talking about:

“Stop asking questions.”

So in this episode, we'll finally be setting free that curious little girl inside of you who may have been reprimanded frequently in Sunday school. You know, catechism class, seminary. I know I'm not the only one. But coming to peace with your curious side will help you live more authentically as yourself, get the information you need to make important decisions about your life. And start using your brilliant mind as a powerful tool for good, rather than fearing it and suppressing it. The idea of not asking questions about religious dogma. Is often presented as a question of faith. You know that you don't wanna be a doubting Thomas, that you want to have even the faith of a mustard seed so that you can gain all the benefits of. God and religion, you know that it's morally superior to have faith rather than to doubt things. Sometimes churches also present it as you know, if you open a door to these questions that you have these doubts, then you're opening a door to the enemy or like you're inviting the devil in, like it's all gonna go way downhill as soon as you ask one question. Or maybe they'll say, we're just trying to protect you. Because you're asking these worldly or rebellious questions, which is gonna lead to corruption, you know, or falling away like the darkness of your soul. Anyway, when I was working on this episode, I just have to side note this and say that I had this memory come back of, when I was preparing for first communion in second grade and they brought the priest over to answer questions about the theology of first communion or of communion in the Catholic church. And I asked a ton of questions. I was like, when you say the body and blood is really body and blood, I mean, it's not gonna taste like that, is it? Well,. It doesn't have the chemical profile if taken to a lab of body and blood. Right. So you're saying it's just a symbol. Right. And they were going, well, it's not gonna taste like blood, but it's not just a symbol, it's just a magical thing where both are true at the same time. And then. When the priest left, the teacher was like, Claire, if you don't stop asking questions, I'm gonna hang you from the church steeple. And I was like, oh, shoot. You know what I mean? Like, I have got to just shut my little little girl mouth. You know? I'm sitting there in my little, uh, school girl outfit, like, oh my goodness. And then I thought, I don't think she's serious about that. Maybe she's just like, you know. Very frustrated with me in this moment, and then one of my friends was like, oh yeah, that happened to my cousin. And I was like, oh, shoot. Oh my gosh. Oh no. I have got to behave myself. Or this is not gonna end well. I mean, it's terrible. It's a terrible thing to tell a child, but. But now as an adult, I think how ridiculous that these adults couldn't handle my 7-year-old self's questions. Like if your theology can't withstand the questioning of a literal child, then you got bigger problems than that. That just seems so crazy to me. Anyway, I'm wondering if any of you have similar stories. My goodness. What we've been through anyway. You know, those are the rationales that are usually given for this rule of not asking questions, of having faith. But just like all of the rules that we talk about, there are probably some unstated motives that we should consider. And the big ones that come to mind for me are. Obviously a concentration of power, right? Leaders maintain control if you can't question them, or their leadership or their behavior or, their financial record keeping or decision making, it's just, wow, how easy would it be to be like, actually questions aren't allowed in this religion and therefore we will answer to nothing. What an interesting construct to create, you know? And, God said, so PS so you know. Then they can allow for illogical and consistent hypocritical even rules, and you're just not allowed to question because the questioning itself is considered, unholy, immoral. And so I think there's also a huge economic benefit to groups potentially, depending on their structure and their goals. But a lot of groups  do accept quite a bit of money from their members, even require quite a bit of money from their members. And then you're not allowed to ask questions about that rule either. And we're not necessarily gonna tell you like, what's happening with this. You can't question anything that we do. Think about what it does to your brain when you're taught that critical thinking is dangerous, that it's harmful or that it's morally wrong. You know, our lives depend on our critical thinking abilities. Our safety depends on that. If we. Or in a situation, it's like, wow, this shady person is saying this thing that's suspect, but I'm gonna be polite and not ask any, any clarifying questions about this very suspicious situation because that's what I've been trained to do. That puts you directly in harm's way. I can think of a lot of times in my life where I was just sweetly going along with the thing, and I definitely had in my mind an impulse of like, uh, I don't know about that. But then another part of my mind just tamped it down, we have to take it at face value. We have to be sweet about it, you know? And I'm wondering if you have had any impacts like that too? How has that affected you? I think it also affects significantly,, not just for women, but especially for women, our confidence, when we are not allowed to ask questions, it's like, be quiet, be sweet,, when we're required to suppress our natural curiosity, our natural critical thinking skills, it stifles personal growth. It creates long-term chronic self-doubt, or even shame just from having natural questions or if you notice inconsistencies and you're not allowed to draw attention to them. The conflict is something you feel in your body, it causes trauma and we. Bear the, you know, the consequences of that long term. So if we take a look at this rule about don't ask questions, stop asking questions, just accept things on faith, there are several logical fallacies that come into play. So the first one, which we'll see honestly in like every single one of these rules, but I think it's. Important to realize that this logical fallacy is the basis of all of these religious structures. It's called appeal to authority. And it's when the logic behind a statement is, well, I have authority over you for whatever reason or no reason at all. I just am the authority and this is the truth. So there's no evidence, there's no. Moral argument about why it should be or why it should not be. It's just simply because I said so approach of, of, uh, moral reasoning, right?

So there's an appeal to authority,, don't ask questions because I said it's bad for you., This is another one where we see a false dichotomy. There is just the suggestion that. Either you have total faith, which means asking no questions, even logical questions, even questions like, why does our religion believe this?

When other religions vehemently believe the opposite? You know, like, why have we made this particular choice? It's either no questions at all, or you ask one question and then. Suddenly you are completely faithless. Slippery slope to the dark side just with this slight inquiry. You know, like there's no middle ground of, Hmm. Maybe if we believe things, there should be some degree of rational basis or some degree of evidence, you know, or explanation. Of course there should be. Why wouldn't there be? That's crazy. And of course, the famous circular reasoning, which is like. We know this rule is true because the rule says don't question it. It's like the rule says it's true, therefore it's true. And you're kind of like, that is not, you're not proving anything. That's crazy talk right there. And the more we're subjected to these illogical loops that are just totally crazy making on their surface, and the more that's presented as a totally rational and holy thing. The more that confuses the wiring in our brain and makes it feel threatening and scary to just look at things logically. But we can give ourselves permission to do that, which is totally what we're doing here, and I love it. I'm so excited about that. You know, a lot of times we see hypocrisy inconsistencies also, you know, where it's like you're not allowed to ask questions. But most of these religions literally originated because someone asked questions about the status quo. They were part of a different group, there was a different system, and then they had a change of heart. They had a revelation. They asked questions. They rejected the premise of the prior religion for whatever reason. And then they turn around and go like, actually we're suppressing the same inquiry process in everyone else moving forward. You know, because now we have the truth. So you can all stop asking questions about anything. But that's extremely hypocritical, you know, to, to believe that this happened one time. That's what we're sticking with. We're never allowing anything else. And often we'll see that leaders may be given the right to question, like outside cultures or science or other religions. But then the members can't do that. Only the authority. So it's very inconsistent in that way too. And even a lot of groups will have values, like they believe in higher education. They want children to be lifelong learners. They want them to do well in school, you know, in work. But then that same curiosity and education and love of truth is something that's just prohibited specifically and only in the religious context. So it's, it's very hypocritical. So if you are seeing lots of issues with the concept of preventing questioning and just inquiry curiosity, then what are some other beliefs that you could potentially move towards? Here are some of my thoughts on this, and as I always say, I'm not like some secular preacher here, like you should believe what I believe. I'm just throwing things out there as food for thought so that you can make your own decisions about what makes sense to you. I think it's really helpful to see someone. Blow up some of these things that are always taken for granted as the total truth and to see, oh, different ways you could think about it. But then you do that pattern yourself in your own mind because you are the boss of you. That's the theme of the podcast. You're the boss of you, but. Some other ways you could look at this. Now, I assume that if there's ever a context where someone discourages. Questions about what they're doing. I totally assume that I cannot trust them at all. Like I'm a hard no for anything that's just doesn't tolerate inquiry, especially if it's claiming to be the ultimate truth of the universe, you know? Like you better be able to withstand some inquiry. Then I think healthy spirituality or just humanity involves questioning to deepen. Our own introspection, our own experience. I think that that deepens not necessarily weakens your faith in things or your personal beliefs, because it brings in personal meaning. It allows you to discover things that make sense for you. I think it supports human dignity. When we can allow intellectual curiosity, it's natural, it's valuable. It's part of being human and suppressing that is dehumanizing. It is controlling of people. It prevents them from living a fully human life in a beautiful way. I think that when things are true, you can scrutinize them and they'll be able to withstand it. That's the definition of truth. So if a teaching is true, you should be able to ask questions without fearing, and then in that questioning process

you would realize it's true or you would get greater insight, that's the whole point. I also think that it's incredibly empowering as an individual to know that you can ask questions to help you make informed choices, get more information, ask all the questions,. We can break cycles of control over us by being informed and making critical decisions. And I think that generally societies just flourish when. Diverse voices including women, and other groups are heard and respected, different people question different people, provide explanation. That provides us with a better context and knowledge as a society than just, uh, top down authority telling you how it is. So, to reflect on this, how are you gonna honor your curious mind? What kind of resources do you find credible when you are thinking about some of your thorniest questions, how do you feel like you can make sure you keep your own judgment first and foremost, but still, you know, potentially take into consideration what other people have to say?

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Topics: Religious trauma, spiritual abuse, deconstruction, exmormon, exmo, exvangelical, recovering catholic, excatholic, former jehovah's witness, women's empowerment, feminism, leaving religion, self-worth, high demand religions, high control groups, high control religion, cult, cult recovery, brainwashed, high demand religion, spiritual trauma, church abuse.