Brainwash be gone. A podcast for women who've left a high control, high demand religion. In every episode, we deconstruct one specific rule you were taught so you can let go of the harmful conditioning and live an amazing life on your own terms. Today we'll be talking about.

We are in the world, not of the world.

Is this an admonition you heard over and over again from parents, friends, and church leaders when you were still in your high control religion? Did the definition of the world seem to conveniently shift based on the preferences of the specific person warning you away from the world? Yep. It's suspicious, all right. You always thought so!

In today's episode, we're going to uncover why this is such a popular concept taught in many high control groups. And spoiler alert, it's about mind control. We're also gonna talk about how to work on releasing yourself from this fear if it's something that continues to plague you after leaving.

So we're all familiar with all of the religious explanations for why your particular group may have been in the world, not of the world, whether they specifically described it in those words or not

but there's the idea that their subculture would stand apart from the rest of society and be morally superior. And a lot of times there are a lot of themes of purity of not being tainted or contaminated by the dangerous and dirty and unholy outside world. It also tends to pull in some ideas about.

What the purpose of this life is for whether this life is just a test, or, are you supposed to live this life, or is it literally just to earn brownie points for the afterlife for a future reward?

And a lot of times there is a ton of fear and danger messaging woven in as well. You know, you're being told to stay away from the world for your own good. They're dangerous, they're evil, they'll harm you. You need to stay within our group to be safe. Just like all of the other rules, we were trained with all of the other ways that we were conditioned by our high control religion. There is an underlying motive that is not ever stated explicitly, which it's important to look at clearly now that we are out of that situation and trying to liberate ourselves completely from the conditioning that remains.

Because what these groups are doing is trying to instill an irrational and extreme level of fear and distrust of the outside world, which conveniently, the outside world is also the only escape route out of the religious group. You aren't gonna get help escaping from another member who's currently inside of the organization.

It'd be extremely unlikely. So if you were ever going to leave the group, you would have to interact with and rely on, to some degree the structures of the outside world and the humans in the outside world at large. And so by instilling that paranoia and fear of all of the escape routes. Functionally, it's one of the best things that keeping you trapped.

I mean, that's so insidious, but it's true. It reminds me of a movie. From, I don't know, maybe like 20 years ago or so called the Truman Show. I don't know if any of you have seen it, but if you haven't, you might wanna watch it. I found it super cathartic. I saw it. I think I saw it once as a child and it was just like, oh, well, you know, it's a story about this.

And then when I saw it later as an adult having left my childhood religion, it was I was so deeply touched. It was so cathartic for me as a sort of like, as a story that plays out what a lot of us have felt from, leaving our religions. But I'll just give a brief, explanation of what the movie's about without ruining all of the details.

But basically the premise is that this guy was adopted as a baby by a corporation and he was. Raised inside of a fake universe that was constructed where he believed it was the world, but actually it was all just for this show. And so they were always watching him. All of the people around him were actually actors, like it was a fake world.

And in that world, what the producers had done to make sure that he would stay in the small community, that was just the set they built for him, is that they manufactured traumatic experiences where he believed that someone important to him had died. In an accident, in the water that surrounded this community.

Because he had this extreme fear then of the water, every time he'd get close to the water or think of traveling somewhere else, he would just be overcome by fear and unable to actually travel and see what was beyond his small town. And it was very effective until it wasn't.

So anyway, that's a plug for watching the Truman Show, but that is exactly what's happening here. It's like the religious group is training us. That the escape route is dangerous, and so every time you consider escaping, move towards the escape route, that fear kicks in and it's just paralyzing and it can prevent people for a long time or sometimes forever, from actually getting outta that situation.

But so many of the people who listen to this have already left, which takes amazing courage. And some of you might be listening and thinking about leaving, and we understand it's really complicated and it's not to be taken lightly, but we know that you can do it too. And hopefully learning about these different pieces of how the mind control is actually constructed, how it works against you, will help you dismantle it enough that you are able to make the decisions you need to make to safely leave your group or to find some peace of mind. So another interesting thing about this particular saying, you know, the idea of we're in the world, not of the world, is that it's intended to suppress any normal human desires and individuality that you would spend any of your life energy, your time, your financial resources on, which is just crazy.

And of course that's designed so that you give that energy, that money, that time to the group for free. You're giving it actually in exchange for a promise for something good that will happen to you after you're dead, not even in this lifetime.

And conveniently, no one can prove or confirm or deny what actually happens after you're dead. You can never know whether they really got paid with heavenly bliss and you know the people on Earth who claim and tell you and teach you that you will be rewarded with this heavenly bliss. They also can't confirm or deny like what folks, that's a bad deal.

That is a scam. All scams involve a promise.

For something good that will come to you in the future as long as you give up something of value today. So if it's an investment scam, it's like, Hey, give us this money and you're gonna make even more money later on. And then it turns out not to be true,

Or a green card scam, which is like, I love you so much and we're gonna have a wonderful life together. All you have to do is marry me and get me a green card, and then we'll be blissfully happy forever. Or you can start a business and you know, it can create the life of your dreams. All you have to do is buy our very expensive program and pay for all of our very expensive leads and whatever.

I mean, there are a ton of different ways that people scam other people, but the premise is always. We promise something really good's gonna happen later on as long as you give us something valuable today. So religions do that with your time and energy and your life. Like give us your life, your entire precious life.

And in exchange, we're gonna give you something later on that no one has seen and no one can report on like what

but even though it seems crazy when you think about it now, and I'm kind of joking about it, I don't want anyone listening to feel at all bad about having fallen for this scam. I mean, shame on the scammers, but not on you for having believed it. I certainly believed it for years and years and years. It was super hard for me to leave my

high control religion. I sweated and debated and like. Just, it was terrible and that's why I'm so outspoken about it now. 'cause I know it's such a hard process. It's such a hard decision to make and it's such a hard process to go through, but you can go through it and get to the other side, and life is so amazing on the other side that it just makes me want to help everyone realize that they have a choice to do this too, if they want.

But the thing about this particular type of scam is that. Scams are created that way because it takes advantage of our human nature. We all fall for various types of scams because they're designed to prey on innately human characteristics that, in my opinion, make us really beautiful. Our desire to grow, to learn, to improve our circumstances and the world around us.

You know, we as humans can envision what could be before it's even in existence. We can get through. Super challenging circumstances with hope and vision for a better future, which is amazing, and I would not want to shut that off in myself or anyone else. But there is just a risk that, you know, a bad actor can hijack that feature of humanity and you just have to be.

Aware of that. Like people aren't scamming random animals or plants. Like, Hey, if you grow here in the desert, I promise I'll give you twice the water next year. You'll see, you know, like that doesn't work because they don't have the same makeup as we do. But that part of our humanity that's so beautiful also makes us vulnerable to this type of scam.

But we can realize once we are being scammed and back out of it and find a different way. But one thing I think is super important to realize about this particular topic is that the concept of we're in the world, not of the world, is an example of what's called a thought terminating cliche.

So the definition of that is a brief. Often folksy phrase used to shut down complex discussions and debates or avoid critical thinking by presenting an idea as self-evident or beyond questioning. So what does that even mean? Basically, it's a mind control technique in which you have memorized a certain phrase that whenever it comes up, it's the end of the conversation.

You, your mind is trained and socially everyone is trained. That. When you say this, there's no further inquiry. There's actually no resolution to your inquiry, but at the same time, you can't ask questions further. It's just like, well, that's the end of it.

And there are both religious and non-religious examples of this. So some other examples are things like, God won't give you more than you can handle, or.

That's just the way we do things around here, or it's not that deep or stop thinking so much. There are so many different thought terminating cliches that are designed to just prevent you from making any further inquiry.

But it's important to understand that that concept exists because when someone answers with that, we all feel compelled because we've been socialized that is the end of the conversation. That is the answer to the question, and your brain stops seeking more answers. But that's just a trick. It wasn't actually an answer at all, and you'll see that in.

In this particular circumstance, with this particular thought, terminating cliche, what tends to happen is you expressed some kind of interest in something happening in the world, in politics or maybe some kind of opportunity or personal interest, anything at all. And then when someone says, well, we're in the world, not of the world, it's just supposed to mean drop it.

Don't ask about that. Don't follow up on that. You're not supposed to waste your life on that end of conversation, but it's not actually a specific conversation about the specific thing that you were interested in.

And besides the fact that it is a thought terminating cliche, there are other logical problems with this particular concept or argument of many high control religions. There's a false dichotomy because there are only two categories that exist. People who are in this religious group and then everyone else in the whole world, and it's just very black and white where it's like, we're good, they're bad us them, and obviously real life is so much more nuanced than that. It's complex. It's not easy. There's not an easy bright line, and that's uncomfortable, but that's just true. That's reality. They're using what's called an appeal to fear, because when you suggest that an outside influence is inherently dangerous or inherently corrupt, then people just comply because they feel anxious and fearful and not because an actual reason was given.

There's circular reasoning here because it's like you're saying, well, the world is bad because it isn't our group and because it's not our group, it is bad. It's just like what?

You also see a fair amount of selective reasoning where it's like maybe worldly music or entertainment. Are condemned, but then other worldly things like certain like technologies or in some groups medicine or the law or the police are used and are appreciated. So it's kind of like interesting how this is very selective what we are choosing and often shifting in any particular moment or with any particular leader.

A lot of times the religions are. Saying, we discourage you from participating in the world, but yeah, you do have to go get a job and then give us the money that you generate from that job, from the world. Like how is that not corrupt based on your particular philosophy? But it just seems like a lot of times there is some very hand wavy rationale for that right.

So here's my current understanding of this topic. I believe that, ignoring what happens in the world or isolating yourself doesn't protect you. In fact, it puts you at risk and it doesn't give you a chance to participate in creating the kind of world that you'd wanna live in and that you'd want your children to live in.

It is an illusion that the world doesn't impact these groups. There is so much that is interconnected in the world, in our entire planet that you can't just opt out of it and have your compound and not talk to people and think that it doesn't affect you.

I think the isolation breeds extreme vulnerability. Any groups that restrict outside contact really increase the risk of manipulation, misinformation, and abuse, no matter what their initial alleged religious principles are. How often is it like we're gonna live in love and community? And then like once you restrict access and ways to escape, it's just like it goes bad over and over again.

Humans have proven that. And I think critical thinking just requires exposure to new ideas.

Counter new ideas really strengthens your ability to think logically and to discern and to make decisions about what's best for you personally. So what if you have been not of this world for quite some time and you wanna rejoin the world? Yay. The world welcomes you, at least I do, and many of my friends here.

And it can be a really hard transition. And I'm gonna give you a few tips if you are in that process. And I think we're all in various degrees of that process. I would say there are parts of me that are still in this process, even though it's been a long time in a lot of years, and in a lot of ways I have joined the world.

But the important thing is you're gonna have to have some exposure to things about the world. And it's great to take baby steps. What you don't wanna do is have no experience with the outside world, and then day one, put yourself at physical risk or. Go into a group that you don't know at all without understanding any of the signals of reliability without testing people out over time and just trusting people blindly.

That's not a good idea either. There's not a lot of wisdom in doing that. So whenever you're gonna do something new, you could consider your level of risk and your level of investment. What are you actually risking here? If you start to, for example. Listen to this podcast or another podcast or look up information online.

You can put your toe in the water and get some new information. See what's out there. You're not at physical risk, you're just gonna consider some ideas, but you're not going all in. You're just testing it out. Or if you're gonna go. Meet a new community, meet new people.

You could choose to do that in a very public and safe environment. I'm gonna meet this person at a coffee shop or at a cafe and have a sandwich. I'm not gonna say, let's meet at my home. I'm not gonna go to their home. I'm not gonna let them pick me up in a car.

We get to decide how much of ourselves we're gonna share, to what degree of risk we're going to participate. And so definitely as you're getting used to the world, you wanna baby step it in and just take smaller risks. Don't do anything that would put your physical safety at risk

All of your financial money at risk. Like it's one thing to risk $5. If you can afford to lose $5, who cares. But to give someone access to all of your money or to trust that this particular person is gonna help you set up a business or something that's really a lot more involved, you wanna be more careful about that and you want to, for anyone that you're gonna trust, you start with small things over time.

Don't tell them the whole story. Start with a little bit, see how they respond, see how it goes a little bit more. And that's how relationships and trust are built over time. And that's how you test little by little how you can get to know different parts of society at large and specific subcultures in our society and see what you like and what you don't like.

What feels good, what are the indicators that people are trustworthy or not, and how you wanna live your life. So it is a process, but you can do it little by little. And that's what we're here for.

So to reflect, how do you currently feel about the world? In quotes? Do you feel like you're a part of it? Do you feel separated? Are there communities that you're curious about but you've avoided meeting or getting involved with because you still have some fears about the world? And if there are, are there any ways you could safely begin to explore those communities at your own pace?

It might be a very grand adventure, and I hope you have a very good time doing it.

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